


For the Best

by marvelaf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Cancer, Chemotherapy, Depression, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Hospitals, Hurt No Comfort, Illnesses, Nurse AU, Nurse Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Protective Peter Parker, References to Supernatural (TV), Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Uncle Ben - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-10-06 20:48:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17352335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelaf/pseuds/marvelaf
Summary: “This is for the best, for the both of us.”The heavy wooden door, belonging to the place she used to call home, slams in her face as the heavy rain starts to soak through the light sweatshirt she managed to grab before being pushed out of his apartment. The small bag filled with her car keys, and her phone that he had thrown out with her lay on her feet. She has tears silently cascading down her face as she grabs the bag, slings it over her shoulder and walks down the few steps to the sidewalk.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm Beth! I'm the author! I just want to warn y'all that there are major trigger warnings, so make sure to read the tags! 
> 
> Also, my tumblr is pretty cool and you should check it out: marvel-af (i don't know how to link it)

“This is for the best, for the both of us.”

The heavy wooden door, belonging to the place she used to call home, slams in her face as the heavy rain starts to soak through the light sweatshirt she managed to grab before being pushed out of his apartment. The small bag filled with her car keys, and her phone that he had thrown out with her lay on her feet. She has tears silently cascading down her face as she grabs the bag, slings it over her shoulder and walks down the few steps to the sidewalk. 

The rain is still pouring hard, to the point that she has a hard time keeping her puffy eyes open. Her long walk back to her apartment drags on, her shoulders slumping more with every step she takes. She stands at her door for a moment, realizing she hadn't been in her own apartment in over a year and the surfaces of the small home are covered in a thin layer of dust. She knew it would end poorly for her when she started to stay the night at Derek’s. Her mouth feels dry at the thought of him. 

She throws her bag on the counter and toes her shoes off, both leaving a small puddle surrounding them. Her cold, tired feet carry her to the bathroom. The wet clothes that formerly clung to her skin now lay in a messy pile on the floor. She turns her shower onto the highest setting, then immediately steps in. The water is freezing for a moment before growing hot, so hot she almost moved. The pain she felt from the water was almost delicious as it burnt her skin.

Her shower has no shampoo. Only a moldy bar of soap, so she steps out of the shower without washing herself. She walks back into her room, the bed is unmade and clothes cover almost every surface. She scolds herself for leaving her apartment this messy. She slips on a random shirt off the floor and quickly throws herself onto the bed and falls asleep. 

She is awoken by her phone ringing. It vibrates loudly on the kitchen counter for a few more moments before she can pull her sore body out of bed to answer it.

“Hello?” She groans. 

“The rest of your stuff is outside your door.” Derek says. She is hit with a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from gratitude to him for bringing her stuff over, but also disdain for kicking her out in the first place. 

“So this is really it. It’s over?” Her voice throat croaks out. She can hear him sigh.

“Y/N, you said no. How am I supposed to keep going?” He asks. Her throat tightens.

“That's not fair.” She chokes.

“Well, neither of us got what we wanted I guess.” He sighs. He seems to have already come to terms with the fact that he left her standing on their- his doorstep. 

“Was I not enough? Why weren't you happy with just me?” She cries out.

“I wanted more Y/N! I wanted to declare my love for you in front of our friends and family! I wanted to have kids and a house with you Y/N! And you said no!” Derek yells. They both stay silent for a second but she could hear his heavy breathing. 

“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want. It’s been 4 years, I don’t know how to live without you. We’re really going to throw away 4 years?” She whispers.

“Y/N come on. You don’t want to marry me. You lived on your own for years before me. You’ll be fine.” 

She stays silent. 

“It’s okay really.” He sighs. The line went dead after that. Her phone stays glued to her ear for a moment. She pulls it away as if it was hurting her to keep there for any longer and tosses it on the couch across the room. 

She doesn’t want to marry him. She lets out a loud sigh, her thoughts racing. She isn’t good enough for marriage. He only asked because he thought he had too. He never really loved her. She slowly lowers herself to the floor, her breath heaving. Tears flow down her cheeks and she sits for a few minutes until she calms down and can breathe properly again. Once her sadness and panic had passed, anger began to bubble in her chest. 

She quickly stands back up and stomps over to the fridge. There's nothing in it except baking soda and a few beers. She huffs quietly and frustrated tears leak from her eyes. Her stomach grumbles with hunger, but instead, she grabs a beer and cracks it open. It doesn’t smell good, considering how long it had been since she lived here, but she needed something in her stomach. Quickly, she gulped down two beers, feeling dizzy from the dehydration mixed with the alcohol. She lays down on the floor and swiftly falls asleep.

When she finally wakes back up, she has no idea how much time has passed. It could have been a day or two or merely a few hours. Her head pounded and her eyes stung as she groaned. She quickly got up off the floor, instantly regretting it as her vision becomes spotty. Once her head clears, her stomach grumbles once again, only this time, a sharp pain comes with it. She only had two beers, maybe they were a little old, but she had checked the expiration date and they had like a month left. Great, she thinks, not only is she heartbroken, but now she's got a stomach bug. She lays herself down on the couch and clicks the television on. Her body seems fine for a few hours until the sharp pain in her stomach comes back. This time she feels the pain move up into her throat. 

She spends the next few days alternating between the couch and the toilet. The delivery guy must have thought she was insane, based on the way she, and her house looks. At some point, her phone had died and she had only now gotten around to charging it up. When she opened her phone, she had about a million texts. He friend Sarah had found out that Derek broke up with her. As she scrolled through the texts she finally got to the most recent, saying she was on her way over and it was sent 20 minutes ago. 

She panics and looks around her messy apartment. There's no time to clean it before Sarah gets here. The panic, however, had caused an uproar in her stomach, causing her to jump up and run to the bathroom once again. Her throat burns as mostly stomach acid splashes in the bowl. She rests her head on the seat of the toilet and from her eyes slip a few frustrated tears. Her trance is broken when there’s a loud knock on the door. 

“Y/N! Open up!” Sarah yells as she pounds on the door. Y/N slowly stands on shaky legs and makes her way over to the door. As soon as she unlocks the door, her friend pushes the door open. 

“Y/N,” Sarah murmurs, taking in the state of her best friend. Her eyes are sunken with dark circles, her skin is pale, her lips are cracked and bleeding, and her clothes hang loosely on her frame. Y/N opens her mouth to tell Sarah not to worry, but before she can, her stomach bubbles and she lets out a burp. She runs across the apartment, back into the bathroom, this time only painfully dry heaving. Sarah comes up behind her, lightly rubbing her back. Tears stream down Y/N’s face as her stomach contracts. Sarah whispers words of encouragement until Y/N slowly moves away from the toilet and leans on the cabinets under the sink. 

“Are you okay?” Sarah asks, handing Y/N a small cup of water. 

“Do I look okay? Derek broke up with me all because I didn’t want to marry him and now I can’t stop throwing up.” She rasps. Sarah purses her lips. 

“Alright, let's get you back to the couch.” Sarah offers, which Y/N accepts. Y/N flops her body on the couch and lays with her face in the pillows. Sarah lifts her head and takes a seat, allowing Y/N to rest her head on her lap. Y/N falls asleep quickly due to exhaustion. 

She wakes up a few times to run to the bathroom, and each time Sarah is there with her. 

“Maybe you should go to the doctors?” Sarah says, genuinely worried for her friend. 

“It’s just a stomach bug. I’ll be fine soon, at least physically.” 

“I’m sorry to tell you this but you look worse than just a bug.” Sarah says. 

“I don’t know. I don’t really want to leave the house like this.”

“Alright fine, but we should get some food in that stomach of yours. What do you want?” Sarah asks.

“Food equals more puke.” Y/N struggles to get out as another round of dry heaving begins. 

“I want to help Y/N. Let me help.” Sarah pleads.

“You're helping enough.” Y/N smiles, but Sarah can tell it’s not real.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y/N wakes to a hand running through her sweaty, greasy hair. She groans and attempts to rise up from her place on the floor of the bathroom, feeling the tightness in her stomach as she pulls herself up.

Y/N wakes to a hand running through her sweaty, greasy hair. She groans and attempts to rise up from her place on the floor of the bathroom, feeling the tightness in her stomach as she pulls herself up.

“Woah, take it easy Y/N.” Sarah whispers, her voice hoarse from waking up. A straw is brought to Y/N’s lips, but she frowns and tightens her lips.

“So help me God. Y/N drink the water.” Sarah grumbles. It has been over a week since Sarah originally came over and she had only left to get a change of clothes. She was almost fed up with her sick, stubborn friend. Sarah attempts to push the straw through her friend's lips one more time before pushing herself up off the floor. 

“I need some coffee, and when I come back, this water better be gone.” Sarah says, leaving the bathroom. 

The cup sits on the floor, mocking Y/N with the clear liquid. She lifts the glass and dumps it into the toilet, not wanting to allow anything into her stomach. The glass makes a clink when it hits the tile of the floor. Y/N moves to lay back down on the floor, but her stomach grumbles, indicating another session of dry heaving. She leans her head over the toilet and heaves a few times before she feels something coming up. She spits, what she assumed was stomach acid, into the bowl, only to have a red tinted liquid in the water. She furrows her brow before another wave of muscle contraction pushes more of the red liquid out of her mouth. 

“Y/N did you drink that water?” Sarah says looking down at her phone. Y/N turns from the toilet, and there’s red drool dripping down her chin.

“Sarah!” Y/N yells, clenching her stomach and releasing more blood into the toilet. 

“Oh my God! Y/N!” Sarah yells. The outpour of blood finally stops and Sarah pulls Y/N up off the floor, much to her dismay. Y/N tries to fight her friend, opting to stay on the floor, but Sarah is insistent.

“Hey, we have to get you to the hospital.” 

Y/N only nods, the severity of the situation hit her like a stack of bricks. Her eyes sting as hot tear pour down her cheeks. Sarah quickly puts shoes on Y/N, then drags her out to her car and drives as quickly as possible to the hospital.

 

The bed groans as Peter shifts awake. The boy rolls over, glancing at the clock that reads 6:28 AM. Two minutes before his alarm is set to go off. He hears the footsteps of his two roommates shuffling around, getting ready for work. Peter yawns and rubs his eyes before throwing off his blankets. He emerges from his room and into the main living area of his apartment, his friends already dressed and eating breakfast.

“Look who decided to finally show up.” MJ laughs as she takes a big bite of her toast. Ned giggles and fist bumps MJ. 

“That was my only sleep after a twenty-four-hour shift. You guys are lucky I’m even up.” Peter quips, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and drinking right from the bottle. MJ wrinkles her nose at this. 

“Well, go get ready. We’re leaving for the hospital in fifteen.” Ned says. Peter nods and quickly gets ready. 

The group of nurses leaves their apartment and make their way to work. They arrive and make their way to their station. The station they usually work in is in the emergency room, which means they get to see all the cool cases, before the doctors whisk them away. Most of their days are filled with helping paranoid people with the sniffles or small stitches and broken bones. But occasionally, they get to help the doctors out, where the interns can’t.

Peter was helping a young boy who had sprained his wrist when a woman ran in supporting another woman who was vomiting into a bag. He saw MJ approach her, placing her hand on the sick woman’s back, as Ned pulls the other frantic woman aside to get paperwork done. The young woman honestly looked like shit. When MJ switches the vomit filled bag to a bowl, Peter sees how bad the situation really was. 

“Alright, your cast’s done, I’ll send someone over to help with your discharge.” Peter says to the mother of the child to which she nodded. Peter quickly makes his way over to the crying woman, who is sat on a bed clutching her friends hand as MJ trieds putting the IV in.

“Ma’am I know this is scary, but you have to stay still so I can put in your IV.” MJ says. The woman nods, but when the needle touches her arm, she jerks away again.

“Sorry, she really hates needles.” Sarah whispers, trying to calm Y/N down. The fear in Y/N’s eyes was so evident to her best friend, and Sarah’s heart breaks to see this. She thought it was just a stomach bug, but those don’t make people vomit blood. The car ride over only scared Sarah more, Y/N groaning in pain and clutching her stomach before grabbing a plastic bag from a side compartment and filling it with her bloody vomit.

Peter notices the far-away look in the sick woman's friend and decides to walk over to the other side of her bed and grabs ahold of her hand. 

“Hey, I’m Peter. What’s your name?” Peter says in the calmest, most soothing voice he could muster. The girl sniffles and takes a gasping breath, tears still streaming down her face.

“I’m Y/N.” The girl whimpers. MJ takes the opportunity Peter gave her to stick the needle in Y/N’s arm. Y/N yelps and grabs Peters hand harder 

“Well, it was very nice to meet you Y/N.” Peter whispers. The girl begins to smile, tears still rolling down her face. 

“Thats a great smile Y/N! You’ve gotta wear it more often.” Peter laughs, trying to cheer the scared woman up. Y/N begins to laugh, but only seconds after she opens her mouth she begins to throw up more blood. Luckily MJ was ready with a new clean bowl, which caught the bloody vomit before it could hit Peters scrubs. 

“Well, Mr. Parker, if you’re done flirting with sick patients, I would like to give this woman the treatment she came to the hospital for.” Dr. Rogers says.

“Oh, yes sir.” Peter says, quickly walking back to the nurses station where Ned was entering some information onto a tablet. 

“Dude what was that?” Ned chuckles. Peter rolls his eyes.

“I was trying to calm a very scared patient down and Dr. Rogers basically yelled at me for it. He’s not my boss, so I don’t know who he thinks he is.” Peter complains.

“Well he’s bound to be the new chief of surgery when Dr. Fury retires or dies or something.” Ned says. Peter laughs. Just then, another trauma comes in, this time with an EMT, to which Dr. Maximoff takes the lead and Peter jumps at the chance to work with her. 

Ned laughs and shakes his head and his friends enthusiasm and he walks off to help another patient.   
Y/N looks at Dr. Rogers as he rattles off a list of tests he wants done to another doctor standing behind him. Sarah notices the terrified look on Y/N’s face and grabs her hand. Y/N looks over and smiled at her friend. Dr. Rogers says a few quick comforting words, but they barely register in Y/N or Sarahs ears. He gives a warm smile before he and the other doctor leave and close the curtain behind them. 

“Thank you.” Y/N says, trying to keep a semi-calm composure.

“No need to thank me Y/N.” Sarah smiles. Y/N looks down at her hands.

“I’m scared. What if I’m really sick?” Y/N frowns. 

“Y/N, I’m sure you’ll be fine, but, uh, do you want me to call Derek?” Sarah asks timidly. 

“No.” Y/N shakes her head.

“What about your mom, or maybe your dad?” 

Y/N lets out a small chuckle. “I don’t want either of them anywhere near me. And I don’t have to worry my dad yet.”

“Y/N-” Sarah starts.

“No, I’m not calling them and you sure as hell aren’t either.” Y/N says, slightly raising her voice. 

“Okay.” Sarah backs off. 

“Ms. Y/L/N? I’m here to take some blood, then I’ll take you for a MRI.” A new doctor says. 

“More needles?” Y/N sighs. 

“Afraid so ma’am.” The doctor, whose badge reads Barton, apologizes. Y/N grabs Sarah’s hand again to stop her own from shaking. 

“Just do it quickly.” Y/N says, furrowing her eyebrows and clamping her eyes shut. Dr. Barton quickly draws the blood and places the vials into an envelope. 

“All done, Dr. Wilson, please take this up to the labs,” Dr. Barton says, “and I will take you up to get an MRI.” 

“Where should I go?” Sarah asks.

“You can go to the nurses station, and they can help you out over there.” Dr. Barton says, releasing the safety on the wheels of the bed Y/N is laying in and wheeling her into the elevator. Y/N and Sarah don’t break eye contact until the doors close, but once they do, Sarah collects herself and walks over to the nurses station. She sees a young nurse leaning on the counter fiddling with a tablet. 

“Damn thing-” The man says.

“Uh, excuse me?” Sarah asks. The man looks up form the tablet and smiles.

“How can I help you, miss?” The man smiles. 

“I, uh, brought my friend in, and they took her up for a test?” Sarah says. The man stands up straighter and she can see his badge that says Ned Leeds.

“Oh right, you filled out her information. What’s her name?” Ned asks.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” Ned taps on the tablet a few times before nodding.

“Okay, your friend is currently waiting upstairs for an MRI, she’ll probably be around two hours. If you want to wait here you can wait in the waiting room, or the cafeteria.” Ned smiles.

“Okay thank you so much.” Sarah says.

“No problem ma’am.” 

Sarah walks over and sits in an uncomfortable seat in the waiting room and sticks her nail in her mouth, biting on it trying to relieve the nerves she has for her best friend. 

 

The elevator door closes on Y/N and she feels a pit grow in her stomach. She begins to wring her hands in an attempt to keep her calm.

“No need to be nervous.” Dr. Barton smiles.

“I threw up blood this morning. I am nervous.” Y/N deadpans. 

“So you’re not in the mood for jokes then.” Dr. Barton laughs. The elevator doors open and Dr. Barton pushes the bed out and down the hall a bit. There is a line of a few people waiting for what Y/N assumes is the same test she has to get. 

“Well looks like we might be here for a few, tell me about yourself.” Dr. Barton suggests. Y/N only frowns and shifts further into the bed. 

“No thanks.” Y/N mumbles. She lays silently in the bed for a few minutes before she feels a sharp pain in her stomach. 

“Dr. Barton!” Y/N yells. A nurse runs over with a bowl and shoves it into her hands and she promptly vomits into it. Dr. Barton takes the bowl from her when she’s done, but the nurse stays, rubbing his hand on her back. 

“Thank you.” Y/N looks up.

“No problem Y/N. We really have to stop meeting like this.” Peter says. Y/N smiles at the man. 

“Alright, it’s our turn Y/N, think you can hold your beans ‘till this is over.” Dr. Barton says. Y/N nods and waves bye to Peter. 

Dr. Barton pushes Y/N into the room with the MRI machine in it and helps her from her bed onto the bed of the machine. He maneuvers her into the position she needs to lay in and then steps back. 

“Okay, so you stay here and make sure you stay still. I’ll be behind that glass over there.” Dr. Barton says before pushing the empty bed out of the room and closing the door. 

The room is too quiet, not allowing any noise to distract Y/N from the nerves eating away at her stomach. She wants the wring her hands but the words of Dr. Barton float through her head, telling her to stay still. 

“Alright Y/N, you’re going to hear some noises as the machine starts up, then the table you’re on is going to move into that doughnut thing and it’ll snap your picture, okay?” Dr. Barton asks through the intercom system.

“Yeah.” Y/N yells back. The machine does start to make some noise and the table does start to move a little bit. Y/N tenses her muscles and tries to think about other things.

She thinks about Sarah and how grateful she is to have such a great best friend. She thinks about Derek and how he’s handling the breakup. She thinks about how Derek would react if he found out she got so upset over their breakup that she put herself in the hospital. She thinks about Dr. Barton and his attempts to cheer her up, which reminds her to apologize when this is over. She thinks about that nurse, Peter, that helped her with the needles and the vomit, and she thought about how good his hand felt on her back. She thought about Dr. Rogers and his dismissive behavior. She thinks about the woman nurse who helped her when she first came in. She thinks about her Dad, and how she almost wishes he was here with her. She then thinks about her Mom, and is glad that she has no idea where she is. 

“Alright, Y/N you did great. Let’s get you out of there.” Dr. Barton says, but Y/N can hear that something is off with his voice.


	3. Chapter 3

Silence. 

 

Deafening silence.

 

Dr. Barton’s grim expression, it radiates pity.

 

His lips are moving, but she only hears the painful silence. 

 

Someone grabs her hand; Sarah. Y/N turns her head and and sees her friend with fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Tears for Y/N.

 

The silence is replaced with a dull ringing noise deep within her brain.

 

Cancer? A tumor?

 

“I-I don’t understand.” Y/N chokes out. Sarah covers her mouth with her hand, attempting to stop her crying. 

 

“It seems that a tumor has grown in your stomach. That was shown in the MRI we took as you can see here,” Dr. Barton hands a tablet over with a black and white picture that she doesn’t really understand. “We know its cancer because of the blood test we took earlier.” 

 

Y/N sits still for a second, letting the words Dr. Barton said sink in. Insurmountable fear courses through her veins and she feels the hair on her body prickle. 

 

“So, I’m going to die?” Y/N asks. The hand that was pressed over Sarah's mouth drops and the sobs that were once under control now fill the room with noise. 

 

“We are going to do everything in our power to keep that from happening Y/N. Your treatment plan is going to start as soon as possible.” Dr. Barton insists. Y/N nods. 

 

“So I’m not going to die, I’m just going to wish I was dead.” Y/N mutters and sinks further into the bed. Lucky for her, Dr. Barton and Sarah didn’t hear her depressing comment. 

 

“Okay, if you have any questions, just call for a nurse to get me.” Dr. Barton says before leaving the room. The loud sound of the door closing seems to shake Sarah out of her sorrow. She looks up at Y/N.

 

“Are you okay?” Sarah says softly. Y/N just rolls her eyes. 

 

“Maybe, it’s time to call your dad?” Sarah says pulling out Y/N’s phone. 

 

“Uh- yeah, I think you might be right. I’ll do it. He’ll want to hear it from me.” Y/N rushes out.

 

“Okay. I guess since we're going to be here for a while, I’ll go pick up some stuff. Make this room feel more comfortable. Are you good to be alone for a few hours?” Sarah asks. Y/N nods and takes her phone from Sarah. 

 

Once she’s alone, she opens up her dad's contact. The smiling contact picture stares back at her. Who was she to make him upset and ruin that happy smile? She exits his contact and clicks on Derek's. The phone rings a few time before Derek picks up.

 

“Hello, who is this?” Derek says. He had already deleted her number, that stung.

 

“Uh- it’s Y/N.” She chokes out. Derek sighs.

 

“What’s up?” He whispers. Sounds like he’s moving around.

 

“Derek, I’m in trouble. I-I need help.” Y/N whimpers. 

 

“Y/N, seriously, what's going on?” 

 

“I’m in the hospital. I, I have cancer, in my stomach, they said gastric an-and,” Y/N cries. Derek audibly gasps, cutting her off.

 

“Y/N. I’m so sorry. What hospital are you at?” Derek yells.

 

“Mercy Grace. Derek, I’m so sorry. You really don’t have to come. I just wanted you to know, ya know.” 

 

“Hey, don’t worry. I’ll be there in a few.” Derek says, and she can hear his car door open then slam shut. The call then ends. 

* * *

The ER is slow today. Peter assumes it’s due to it being a weekday, with all the kids in school. MJ and Ned are standing at the front desk, waiting for anyone to come in. He almost drags his body over to the desk.

“I need sleep.” Peter whines, throwing his upper half over the hard surface. MJ lets out a laugh, but it’s more of a deep exhale. 

 

“You, kind sir, are preaching to the choir.” MJ smiles.

 

“Yeah well, I’m fine.” Ned shrugs. Peter raises his head and glares at Ned. 

 

“Oh, can we please go to the roof today for lunch? It’s so nice out and I could use some fresh air to wake me up.” Peter suggests.

 

“I’m down.” MJ says pulling out a chart and scribbling something down.

 

“Sure, it’s not like I have anything better to do.” Ned chuckles. 

 

The door to the emergency room pushes open and a man rushes through. The gang quickly perks up, ready to help when the man comes over to a table.

 

“I-I know the emergency room is for emergencies only, but there’s no parking near the main entrance, and I really need to see my gir- uh, ex-girlfriend.” The man quickly rambles. 

 

“Okay, I need her name.” Peter says, helping the man, which causes Ned and MJ to move away to check on patients.

 

“Uh, Y/N Y/L/N, she said she has cancer.” The man says. Y/N Y/L/N, Peter quickly wonders if that was the girl he helped with the needles, but pushes the thought aside. He types her name onto the tablet and pulls up her information. 

 

“Okay, Y/N Y/L/N is on the second floor, room 44.” Peter says, expecting the man to thank him and quickly walk away, but instead, he stays at the desk. 

 

“I-I don’t know if I can go up there. I told her I would come but I haven’t seen her since she broke my heart. And now she has cancer.” The man trails off. Peter senses the man’s worry and he decides to help this man. 

 

“Okay, what’s your name?”

 

“Derek.”

 

“Alright Derek. How ‘bout I walk you up there, make sure you don’t run away or anything.” Peter offers. Derek nods, but still stays planted to a tile on the floor. Peter moves around the desk and places a hand on Derek’s back.

 

“Let’s go.” Peter urges. Finally, Derek moves. 

* * *

The door to Y/N’s room rattles with a knock before being pushed open. Peter walks in with Derek following behind him.

 

“Hey you.” Peter says, instantly realizing that his hunch was correct. So the vomiting was because of cancer. He stays quiet, knowing that Y/N is staring Derek behind him. 

 

“Hey Peter, could we, uh, have a minute?” Y/N asks motioning to Derek.

 

“Of course.” Peter smiles backing out of the room. Derek slowly moves to the seat next to the bed and lowers himself onto it. 

 

“Are you here alone?” Derek asks.

 

“No, uh, Sarah’s been here with me, since we ya know.” Y/N whispers.

 

“Okay, that's good.” Derek says, but his mind is running almost too fast to think of anything to say.

 

“Derek, I want to get back together, I miss you. And look at what’s happened since we broke up. I got cancer and I don't think I can do this without you.” Y/N says, and it cuts through Derek like a blade. 

 

“We want different things Y/N. We broke up for a reason and I understand you are going through a tough time, but we can not get back together. And this might make me sound like a complete dick but if you want to get back together, I can’t be around you.” Derek says standing up. 

 

Y/N eyes water and she feels as if a weight has been lifted off her shoulders. 

 

“Okay, You should probably go then.” Y/N says, holding in her tears. Derek moves towards the door and grasps the handle.

 

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Derek says before leaving the room, and Y/N’s life. Her watery eyes sting and the corners of her mouth seem to be stuck in a permanent frown. She slowly pulls herself out of bed and begins pacing the small room. Her I.V. drip is being pulled by the stuck arm as her socked feet shuffle along. Quickly the room becomes too small and she opens the door and peeks into the hallway. 

 

The air in the hallway is the same to the air in her small room, hot and stuffy. She needs to get out. The air outside would definitely be better than this suffocating air. Her feet carry her to an elevator, to which she pushes the button for the roof. She silently is thankful for the slight luck of coming to a hospital with easy roof access. Nobody else is in the elevator with her, which she is also thankful for. The slow ride to the roof makes Y/N think about why exactly she picked the roof over the ground, the thought makes Y/N’s eyes water again. The elevator dings and the doors open on a small rooftop. 

 

The area is empty, besides a small picnic table and a few potted plants. She walks over to the table and sits down. Her tears finally begin to fall at thought of Derek and her grim life expectancy. The panic and anxiety forms a pit in her stomach, almost like a sibling to the cancer, eating away at her until she’s nothing. 

 

Soon, the bench becomes to confining, so she stands abruptly, knocking the bench over.

 

“Shit.” The profanity flows from her mouth quietly while she attempts to shuffle her way towards the ledge of the building. The IV pulling on her arm is not helping the dangerous thoughts, so she pulls the needle out of her arm with a short yelp. 

 

Finally free from the confines of the IV and table, she slowly walks toward the edge of the building. Sitting on the ledge of the building with her legs hanging off, she weighs her options.

 

Jump and die.

 

Cancer and die.

 

Or stay, go through treatment, possibly live. 

 

Salty tears flow from her eyes, leaving streaks down her cheeks. The body-shaking sobs that are pulled from her body make it hard to breathe and the mucus dripping from her nose is left dripping into her mouth and down to her chin a bit. 

 

She knows she needs to calm down. She knows that for sure. She attempts deep breaths until her breathing calms to a slower pace. She takes the shoulder of her hospital gown and uses it to wipe her face down, trying to hide the tear streaks enough to walk back down to her room.

* * *

“Peter, I can’t believe you got three sandwiches!” MJ laughs between bites of her apple.

 

“Wha, I’m a hungry guy.” Peter says shrugging his shoulders. The elevator doors open onto the rooftop and Peter immediately notices the knocked over bench and the patient-less IV stand. 

 

“Oh my God.” MJ whispers, before rushing over to the patient sitting on the ledge. Peter and Ned follow close behind her to try and help. 

 

“Hey.” MJ says softly as to not scare the patient. The girl whips her head around to see the group of nurses standing behind her. It’s Y/N. 

 

“Y/N, hey. What brings you up here?” Peter asks quietly. Y/N let’s out a wet laugh. Her face is still red from what Peter assumes must be crying.

 

“What? I’m not allowed to get some air,” Y/N questions, “because ya know, it’s way too hot in that hospital.” Peter nods with a smile. 

 

“I know, I’m gonna have to talk with someone about that.” Ned smiles. Y/N swings her legs over, placing them on solid ground and MJ lets out a breath.

 

“You’re allowed to get air Y/n, you are not allowed to take out your IV, and you definitely are not allowed to sit on the ledge.” MJ states. Y/N’s face falls from a playful smile to a guilty, kicked puppy type look.

 

“Sorry, won’t happen again.” Y/N solemnly whispers.

 

“It’s okay.” 

 

Peter helps Y/N stand up and moves her towards the abandoned IV stand. Ned grabs the stand, MJ grabs the food, and the group gets back into the elevator. The ride down is silent. Peter knows what Y/N was doing up there, and is terrified at the thought of what may have happened if he hadn’t insisted that they ate lunch on the roof. He knows about her cancer diagnosis, but he did not know about the ex-boyfriend, or apparently the depression. 

 

Once back in her room, MJ replaces the IV bag, but this time Y/N doesn’t yell and cry through it, instead she clamps her eyes shut until the needle is in. Ned sits down on the windowsill and unwraps his lunch. Peter open one of his sandwiches and begins to munch down.

 

“Sure, make yourselves at home.” Y/N grits as MJ wraps her arm in a bandage, to keep the IV in. 

 

“Sorry, we can leave if you want, it’s just…” Ned starts.

 

“No, stay. I need the company anyways.” 

 

MJ finishes getting Y/N back into the bed, then sits next to Ned on the windowsill. That leaves the seat next to the bed for Peter, which he takes hesitantly. 

 

“Y/N, if you ever want to talk, I- uh, we are here for you. Whether as a friend or as a nurse. I’ve got your back.” Peter says. Y/N looks at Peter with an expression he can’t exactly place. Disgust? Appreciation? He couldn’t tell. 

 

“Well thanks, but I don’t want pity, especially from some people I don’t even know.” Y/N whispers. 

 

“Well we can change that, tell me about yourself!” Ned smiles. 

 

“Why do you guys want to know me?” 

 

“I just want to open your support pool. Cancer is a lot to deal with, and I know you have your friend that came with you, but you need people to lean on.” Peter rambles. 

 

“I never told you about my cancer?” 

 

“Well you're in the oncology ward, and Derek mentioned it when I brought him up here.” Y/N rolls her eyes.

 

“Of course he did.” Y/N groans. 

 

A nurse walks in with a tray of food and places it down on the tray with a smile. Y/N returns the smile and thanks her. Once the nurse is gone Y/N takes one look at the food on the tray and nearly gags.

 

“Alright, here’s the deal, you guys can come eat your lunch in here every day, as long as you bring me some real food instead of this.” Y/N says gesturing to the tray in front of her. Peter smiles.

 

“Deal.” MJ and Ned say simultaneously. Peter hands one of his sandwiches to Y/N who smiles and accepts it. 

 

“So, anyone watch Supernatural?” Y/N asks, trying to spur a conversation. MJ perks up.

 

“I do!” 

 

The group falls into easy conversation until Sarah returns, then continues with the help of another fan. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

“So, what’s going to happen is, we are going to blast that tumor with some chemotherapy, you are going to rock a totally epic bald head and then once we’ve seen enough shrinkage, we’ll hit ‘em with some radiation and then totally cut open your stomach and get that bastard out of you!” Dr. Barton enthuses. 

 

A small smile creeps onto Y/N’s face when she hears the confidence in his voice. Part of her starts to believe that maybe she has a shot. 

 

The other part of her wants the treatment to fail. But she would never say that. 

 

“Thank you Dr. Barton. Seriously.” Y/N says.

 

“Ya know what? You, my friend, have earned the right to call me Clint.” He laughs. 

 

“Okay Clint.” 

 

Dr. Barton leaves the room with a short nod and a smile on his face. 

 

“Oh Y/N, I totally forgot to ask, when is your dad gonna come in? It’ll probably take a few days to get a flight out here, right?” Sarah asks. Y/N feels a pit drop to her stomach.

 

“Oh yeah, he’s not coming. He said he couldn’t get off work.” Y/N lies. 

 

“Really! Damn they wouldn't let him take off to see his sick daughter in the hospital? That’s fucking insane.” Sarah fumes.

 

“Uh, yeah, crazy.” Y/N says shortly, trying to end the conversation. Sarah huffs and furrows her brows.

 

“Weird.” 

* * *

 

 

“Hey we brought food!” Peter exclaims. Y/N lets out a small groan.

 

“I can’t eat.” She mumbles.

 

“What? Why? I thought the deal was if we brought you food, we could eat in here?” Ned asks.

 

“Yeah but my chemo starts today. And doesn’t that make you kinda sick?” Y/N asks. MJ nods her head, but Peter’s face falls immediately.

 

“Oh my God! I’m such an idiot. I’m so sorry Y/N!” Peter says bringing his hand up to smack his forehead.

 

“No, it’s fine. I’d rather be hungry for a little bit, then throw up again.” Y/N shrugs. 

 

‘So are you nervous?” Ned asks, before getting hit in the shoulder by MJ. 

 

“I mean, yeah.” Y/N laughs. 

 

Peter is racked with concern. He knew Y/N is in the hospital for cancer and that eventually, she would have to get treatment, but his time as a nurse allowed him to see the toll that it takes and a person. 

 

The hair loss, the weight loss, and sunken features.

 

He hates to think about Y/N after treatment, but it’s inevitable. She has cancer. She is going through treatment. 

 

He just doesn’t want to watch another person he cares about die. After his uncle Ben died in his arms, Peter feels this urge to protect people and when he saw Y/N sitting on that roof, he knew that Y/N had become one of those people. 

 

“Whatcha thinking about?” Y/N asks, breaking Peter from his train of thought. 

 

“Oh, uh nothing important.” Peter whispers. “You know, I could come in, say hi or something? Give you some company?” 

 

“When?” 

 

“During your chemo?” Peter says. The group must have been focused on something else. Peter meets Ned’s glare and gives him a confused look. What did he do to deserve a glare?

 

“Oh yeah sure. I could use some more company, give Sarah a break.” Y/N laughs. 

 

“Cool, I’ll see you then.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Y/N sits in the large chair. It’s comfortable, but she assumes it has to be considering the two hours of sitting she’s about to do. Nerves rack her body when she sees the nurse come over with the chemo bag and a needle. The needle that’s going to stay lodged into her skin for almost two hours, dispensing chemicals into her bloodstream. It’s going to kill her hair while trying to take out the cancer. 

 

The nurse grabs her arm and brings the needle to the crook of her arm.

 

“Wait!” Y/N exclaims, jerking her arm away from the nurse. 

 

“Y/N come on. This stuff is going to make you better! It may hurt now, and the needles gonna sting, but think about going home, going back to school, seeing our friends. Think about going back to normal.” Sarah encourages. 

 

Y/N clenches her eyes shut and shoves her arm back out. She flinches when the nurse touches her arm again, this time with a softer touch than last. Her teeth grit as she thinks about the words Sarah said. 

 

They weren’t good enough.

 

But Y/N can put on a face. She can let the nurse stick her with the needle, which she does, and she can pretend to care if she comes out of the hospital alive. 

 

The nurse puts a hand on Y/N’s shoulder before walking away. The needle is secured with tape and Y/N swears she can feel the chemo flowing through her veins. 

 

“The needle hurts.” Y/N groans, leaning back in the chair. 

 

“I know hun.”

 

* * *

 

Peter looks through the glass door of the chemo area, watching Y/N play a card game with Sarah. A small smile creeps onto his lips when Y/N perks up, seeing him in the room. He quietly walks over to where she’s sitting, careful to not let the other nurses see him.  He pulls over a chair and positions it close to her. 

 

“How ya holding up?” Peter says resting his hand on her knee. Peter doesn’t know what came over him, but he started to rub his thumb along her leg. 

 

“My face is hot. Almost like I have a fever. And my skin is like super sensitive.” Y/N whines. Peter quickly pulls his hand off her legs, apologizing profusely. Y/N wishes he never moved his hand, because it felt so good. 

 

“Don’t worry about it. Felt good.” Y/N blushes. Peter notices her cheeks become red and she was looking at him through her lashes. Almost bashful.

 

“Well good.” Peter says resting his hand lightly on her knee once again. After a few moments of Y/N relishing in the comfort, Peter checks his watch.

 

“Shit, I gotta go back to the emergency room. See you tomorrow?” 

 

“Uh yeah.” 

 

Peter smiles and then rushes to the door, where he sees Ned looking through the glass at Y/N. 

 

“You going in to say hi?” Peter asks. 

 

“No, I’m wondering what the hell that was.”

 

“What’re you talking about?” Peter laughs. Ned glares at him.

 

“Oh, Y/N let me visit you everyday. Oh Y/N let me leave my job to say hi to you. Oh, Y/N let me put my hand on your knee.” Ned mocks as the two walk down to the emergency room. 

 

‘Dude what the hell? I’m just trying to support her. You were there on the roof an-and I would hate to see that happen again.” Peter scowls.

 

“I get it Peter, but you don’t see MJ and I going to visit her when she’s in chemo. You’re falling for her.” Ned says. All of the thoughts in Peter’s mind swarm to the thought of Y/N. Of course, he doesn’t like her, right?

 

“No I don’t. I’m just trying to be supportive. I don’t want to see her,” Peter grits his teeth and slowly pushes out his next words, “kill herself.” 

 

“Peter, I get that, but that is not your job. Okay? I want you to get that through your head. It’s not your job to save her.” Ned says, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. Peter rolls his eye and tries to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes. 

 

“I-I know, but I just don’t want to see anyone else die.” Peter chokes out. Ned pulls Peter into a hug in the middle of the hallway. 

 

Tears that Peter had been holding back finally fall free and he sobs onto Ned’s scrubs. He pulls away quickly, sniffing and wiping at his eyes.

 

‘God, I’m sorry. It happened in high school, I should be over this by now.” 

 

“It’s okay Pete. You should wash your face. You’ll feel better.” Ned says placing his hand on his shoulders and pushing him toward the nearest bathroom. 

 

Ned knew of the pain and guilt Peter felt when his uncle died. He knew that Peter feels as if it was his fault, that if he had just been there sooner the outcome might have been different. Ned knew that Peter has never treated for the depression and anxiety that heavily surfaced in high school, not due to negligence on his aunts part, but due to money being tight. Ned knows that in college Peter nearly went off the rails, drinking himself to near oblivion. He knows about Peter’s fight to get himself better, to focus on his studies. He knew the only reason Peter wanted to get into the medical field was because he wanted to help people, because he couldn't help Ben. 

Ned had watched and helped Peter as he fought to deal with his trauma. He knew Peter had coping mechanisms that made him feel the need to protect everyone. 

 

And he knew he wouldn’t be able to get Peter to stop.

 

Once Peter has washed his face and calmed down enough, he remembers the conversation that sparked the meltdown.

 

“Ned, listen. I don’t like Y/N and I’m not falling for her. I just feel like I have to do my part and help her out. And that’s just part of my being and I won’t be able to stop, so.” Peter says.

 

“Okay. I just don’t want to see you lose your job, I’m just looking out for you man.” Ned smiles.

 

“Thanks,” Peter pauses, “ We should get back down to the ER before we actually get fired though.”    
  


Ned nods and the pair rushes down to the ER. 

 

* * *

 

Sarah was messing around on her phone when what seemed like the 100th text message asking about Y/N came through. Sarah huffed lightly.

 

“Y/N, you should post something, giving everyone the rundown, because if I get one more text asking how you are, I’m going to throw my phone through a wall.” 

 

“I’m not posting anything.” Y/N mumbles.

 

“God you’re stubborn. If you don't post, then you can answer all these messages.” Sarah says tossing her phone onto Y/N. 

 

“No I don’t want pity and all my family is going to give me is pity.” Y/N says, handing the phone back. Sarah groans.

 

“Whatever.” 

 

Y/N feels uncomfortable. Her throat is dry and her head is pounding. Her skin feels as if it’s on fire, the only comfort was felt when Peter put his hand on her leg. 

 

“So… Peter’s cute.” Sarah smiles. 

 

“W-What?” Y/N sputters, utter confusion pouring through her veins, along with the chemo.

 

“He’s cute. You should go for it. He’s obviously into you.” Sarah states, as if it’s the most obvious statement ever. 

 

“Dude, Derek literally just broke up with me and in case you haven’t noticed I think I have my hands full right now.” Y/N says motioning to the needle still stuck in her arm. 

 

“You’re a real buzzkill today.” Sarah laughs.

 

“Well I guess cancer does that to me.” Y/N smiles back. 

 

“Well, I need to pee, don’t miss me too much.” Sarah says getting up and leaving the chemo room. 

 

As she sits on the toilet she scrolls through her Instagram, and she sees a post that piques her interest. 

 

It’s of Y/N’s father, sitting in a bar with all of his friends, captioned; No worries here, All is good.

 

Sarah scoffs. Anger fuels her next actions of leaving the bathroom and calling Paul. It rings a few times before he picks up and greets her with a cheery tone.

 

“Sarah? How are you dear?” 

 

“How am I? Not good Paul! I’ve been in the hospital every day with your daughter, taking care of her, and you have the audacity not only not to come to visit your very sick daughter, but to post something saying ‘no worries’!” Sarah rants.

 

“Woah Sarah slow down! What do you mean Y/N is very sick?” Paul questions.

 

“Wow, you don’t even remember the phone call. Y/N has cancer and you said you couldn’t take off work! I knew Y/N had one deadbeat parent, but this is ridiculous.” Sarah scoffs. 

 

“WHAT!” Paul yells so loud, that Sarah has to pull the phone away from her ear. 

 

“Y/N said she called you?” 

 

“I haven't spoken to Y/N in a little over a week. Y/N has cancer?” Paul whispers. 

 

‘I am so sorry Paul, but yes.” 

 

“Well, what hospital are you guys at? I need to come.” Paul says, and Sarah can hear him moving around in the background.

 

“Uh, Mercy Grace, it’s the one closest to her apartment.” Sarah says, wondering how Y/N will react when her dad shows up.

 

“Sarah thank you so much for taking care of her. I’ll be there in a few days.” Paul says before hanging up. Sarah nods, as if Paul would see it.

 

She lets out a deep breath and leans herself against the wall.

 

Y/N is going to kill her.

 

* * *

 

 

Sharp pains wake Y/N up. A groan falls from her lips and she jumps up out of the Y/N, pushing the ‘call nurse’ button. She quickly walks over to the bathroom and kneels by the toilet. 

 

It takes a second, but before she can try to hold it in, she’s vomiting into the toilet. The door to the bathroom opens and the nurse hold’s Y/N’s hair back as she dry heaves into the toilet. Once Y/N feels like the vomiting is over, she leans away from the toilet. She looks like a mess, there’s a bit of vomit left on her chin sits on the floor. 

 

“Alright honey, do you think you’re done?” The nurse asked softly. She nods and wipes at her face with the sleeve of her gown. The nurse hands her a small cup of water and tells her to gargle and spit.

 

Once Y/N is done in the bathroom, the nurse gently helps her up and brings her back to bed.

 

“I thought if I didn’t eat before the chemo I wouldn’t throw up.” Y/N whimpers.

 

“Honey, chemotherapy takes a lot out of a person, but you're already doing great. You only threw up once after your first round! I’ve seen people sit by the toilet for hours after their first round. Trust me, you can do this.” The nurse says, holding onto Y/N’s hand. 

 

“Thank you.” Y/N rasps. 

 

“Anytime sweetheart, just press the button if you need anything else.” The nurse smiles. 

 

* * *

 

 

Groaning, Y/N opens her eyes, seeing Sarah already sitting in the seat next to her bed. 

 

“I feel like shit.” 

 

“Good morning to you too. You want me to get a nurse?” Sarah jokes.

 

“No, no one else should be subjected to seeing me today.” Y/N grumbles. She begins to push herself out of bed when every muscle in her body feels sore. 

 

“Oh God.” Y/N whispers through gritted teeth. She finally manages to get herself out of bed and she shuffles to the bathroom. It takes her a few seconds to figure out the shower head but once she does, it turns on with a loud burst of water. 

 

“Are you sure you’re allowed to do that?” Sarah asks, entering the bathroom. 

 

“Take a shower? I think so.” Y/N says. Why would she be allowed to take a shower? Shes not a child, sure she has cancer, but she knows how to take a shower by herself.

 

“I think I should ask a nurse.”

 

Y/N huffs and crosses her arms as Sarah jogs out of the room to flag down a nurse. When Sarah and a nurse enter, she is finally granted permission to shower. 

 

“Wow thanks guys.” Y/N deadpans. 

 

Y/N gets in the shower and her screaming muscles finally subside. The water pressure isn’t great, and in a way, Y/N wishes that she was back in her apartment, with her shower and her nice shampoo and her fluffy towels. 

 

But she’s not. 

 

While Y/N is lost in her own thoughts, she runs her hands through her hair absentmindedly. It’s not until her fingers leave her hair that Y/N realizes the problem. The amount of hair in her hands is enough to make Y/N’s heart race. Quickly, she lets the running water get the hair off her hands and down the drain, then she turns the water off and dries her body. There’s a new gown laying on the toilet which Y/N throws on and then races back to the bed. 

 

“Aren’t you going to going to dry your hair?” Sarah asks, brows furrowed.

 

“No.” 

 

“But your pillows?” 

 

“I’m not touching my hair.” Y/N says stubbornly. 

 

Something must have clicked in Sarah’s brain because she drops the topic and lets Y/N’s tired body fall back asleep. 

* * *

 

Loud knocking on the door rouses Y/N enough for her to hear what’s going on, but not enough to wake her up. 

 

“Hey!” Peter exclaims.

 

“Shh! Y/N’s sleeping. I don’t think today might be the best day to hang out.” Sarah whispers.

 

“Why? What happened?” MJ asks.

 

“She wasn’t feeling well when she woke up. And I think she might have started to lose her hair. She just doesn’t really want people to see her today.” 

 

“It’s okay. We get it. Just tell her we stopped by.” Peter frowns. Sarah close the door with an apologetic smile.

 

“Want to go to the roof?” Ned asks. 

 

“Yeah sure, let’s go.” MJ agrees. The two begin to walk away, but Peter stays by the door, eyes downcast and a large frown planted across his lips. 

 

“Peter, come on buddy.” Ned whispers, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

 

“I-I just want to help her. If she closes herself in, she won’t, won’t-” Peter cuts off. 

 

“I know buddy. There’s nothing we can do now.” Ned says. Peter shakes his head.

 

“I don’t get it! We have to do something” Peter yells. His eyes clouding with tears.

 

“Alright, you need to calm down.” Ned whispers, trying to pull Peter away with a sharp yank. He snaps back to himself with the jolt.

 

“Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Let’s go.” Peter whispers, hanging his head and heading to the elevator. Ned and MJ share a look before walking after him. 

 

* * *

 

 

“Peter look, Ned and I are worried about you.” MJ says standing in front of Peter, who’s sitting on the couch. 

 

“What?” Peter says through a mouth food of Chinese food. 

 

“We think you need to talk to someone. The hospital has a program and we think you should sign up.” MJ says, Ned nods his head behind her.

Peter sighs. He knows he has a lot of issues, and that Y/N’s situation is making them more prominent. But he didn’t need therapy back then when it really happened, and he turned out fine. 

 

Mostly fine. 

 

But his best friends are worried about him. He knows he should take their advice and get help, but he doesn’t want to have anyone else feel sorry for him. That list of people is already too long. He can’t go visit Aunt May without her looking at him with those eyes that make him want to break down crying.

 

He knows he should do it. 

 

“Yeah.” Peter nods.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You guys are right. I’ve gone too long  without help.” Peter says.

 

“Okay, well Ned and I signed you up already, you go in on Friday. Only thing is it’s every Friday, during our lunch break.”

 

Peter’s fists tighten.

 

“But what about Y/N?” Peter pushes out.

 

“Well MJ and I are still going to visit her and we’ll update you on what happened.” Ned rushes. Peter relaxes a little bit, still semi-upset that they scheduled it for him.

 

“Okay, I’ll do it.” 

 

“Great.”

* * *

 

 

“Y/N wake up!” Sarah yells shaking her arm.

 

“What!” Y/N grunts. She opens her eyes and leans up in the bed, seeing Peter, MJ and Ned, standing in the room with scissors and an electric shaver.

 

“What’s going on?” Y/N questions.

 

“We just thought that you shouldn’t have to be insecure about your hair. So, instead of waiting for it all to fall out, let’s just shave it.” Ned says excitedly. Y/N looks at Sarah, who is smiling widely and nodding her head.

 

“Okay.” Y/N agrees. Peter moves to help Y/N get out of bed, but she refuses help. 

 

“Y/N, please.” Peter extends his arm and when Y/N sees the seriousness in his face, she grabs it. He leads her into the bathroom, where MJ hand pulled in a chair.

 

“Alright let’s get shaving!” MJ laughs. Y/N feels a small smile creep up onto her face. The first true smile in a few days. MJ uses the scissor to cut her hair short, the ground filling with the locks. 

 

Once she finishes, she helps Y/N stand up and look in the mirror. Y/N smiles and runs and hand over her bald head.

 

“Why do I actually like it?” Y/N laughs. 

 

“Because it looks good.” Peter smiles. 

 

Y/N turns around to face him.

 

“Thanks.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy!


	5. Chapter 5

Peter lets out a loud laugh at a joke from Ned. The noise is enough to break Sarah from her thoughts.

 

Y/N’s dad was going to be here any second, according to the texts that were blowing up her phone. Y/N still didn't know he was coming, and Sarah knew that Y/N wouldn’t be happy when he came. 

 

“Sarah? Are you okay?” MJ asks. Sarah blinks a few times. 

 

“Uh yeah.” 

 

No. Sarah was sweating, and only a few more texts away from shaking. She hated lying to Y/N. She just looked so happy for the first time since her break-up and the news of her cancer, she was even laughing along with Peter and Ned. She looked okay. Sarah didn’t want to ruin that. 

 

Peter and the rest of the nurses had done more for Y/N in a few days than Y/N’s own mother had done in years. Sarah will forever be grateful for the help she’s received from them and she knows Y/N is too.

 

* * *

 

 

Paul slowly walked the short path to Y/N’s apartment. He wanted to quickly drop his bags off at where he would be staying. He uses his key and opened to door quietly. 

 

To put it shortly, the apartment looked like shit. As Paul walked through the room, his heart breaks for his daughter. There are blankets thrown all over the living room and containers of food left out on the coffee table. He walks past the living room and passes the bathroom. 

 

It looks like a murder scene. There is a cup on the floor, surrounded by drops of blood, and the toilet seat was covered in blood. It was dried, given the days it had been since Y/N was there. Paul feels his eyes sting for his daughter, that she was going through this, almost alone. 

 

He shakes his head, rubbing his eyes and willing the tears back. If Y/N was sick, the least he could do was be strong for her. He leaves his luggage in her bedroom and then speeds to the hospital, mentally preparing himself to support Y/N. 

* * *

 

Y/N notices the door handle move before she hears Sarah exhale deeply. 

 

“Dad?” 

 

“Daughter.” 

 

“W-what are you doing here?” Y/N stutters. She spares a glance a Sarah, seeing her hiding from her gaze. Suddenly it clicks, and Y/N shoots a glare at Sarah. 

 

“Well, I heard that you got cancer,” Pauls' face softens. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you call? You know I would’ve been here at the drop of a hat.” 

 

“That’s the issue! I don’t need you here, watching me with those sad eyes!” Y/N pauses, watching a look fo hurt flash across her father’s face. “ Look, I-I know you want to help me but, I just didn’t want to worry you and I didn’t want you to feel like you have to be here. I’m sorry you had to hear it from someone else.” Y/N says, her eyes downcast. 

 

Peter, Ned, and MJ sat watching the worried man stand in front of his sick daughter.

 

“Well, I’m your dad, so you get me here, worrying about you.” Paul says, defiant as ever and suddenly Peter realizes where Y/N gets her stubbornness from.  

 

“Um, our lunch break is over, so we have to go.” MJ says slowly standing up, Peter and Ned following. Paul whips his head away from Y/N and looked at the group of nurses.

 

“Oh my, I’m so sorry. I’m Paul, Y/N's dad. You guys are?” 

 

“I’m MJ, and that’s Ned and Peter.” MJ says motioning to the boys standing behind her.

 

“And how did you guys all meet?” Paul asks. Y/N stiffens in the bed. 

 

“We’re nurses here and we all meet in the cafeteria.” Peter lies. He shoots a look at Y/N, almost as if to say, ‘we’ll talk about this later’. 

 

“Very nice, well it was nice to meet you all. Y/N always was good at making friends.” Paul smiles sadly. The nurses nod and exit the room. 

 

Paul turns back to his daughter who sat in the hospital bed with her arms crossed as Sarah sits beside her with a frown. 

 

“So, where’s Derek?” Paul asks with a smile. Sarah sighs lightly and hunches over with her head in her hands. 

  
“We broke up.” Y/N states. Paul notices the way her eyes become slightly watery and she clenches her jaw.

 

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Was it because of the-”

 

“It wasn’t because of the cancer Dad. God, your mind always goes to the worst place. We broke it off before I knew.” Y/N interrupts. 

 

“Okay, well I’m sorry.” Paul says, pulling a chair over and sitting quietly. He can’t take his eyes off of her. She already looked so sick. The shaved head, the sunken features, the dark bags under her eyes, it all broke his heart. 

 

“Stop staring at me.” Y/N says, her voice sharp. 

 

“Sorry.” 

* * *

 

 

Y/N winces as the nurse gently pushes the needle through her skin. 

 

“Good job Y/N.” The nurse says. She knows it’s supposed to be comforting but Y/N can’t even bring herself to smile back at the nurse. As her dad sits next to her silently Y/N wants nothing more than to sink into the chair and never be seen again. But she can’t, so silently she wishes her dad would stop looking at her as if she’ll shatter into a million piece at any given moment. 

 

It drives her crazy. Her clenched jaw hurts and Y/N contemplates just ripping the IV out and running up to the roof again. For a moment she wonders what would have happened if she did jump before Peter found her. 

 

Would Derek have come to the funeral? Would her mother have come? Would she even be sad? Who would miss her besides Sarah, Dad and maybe a few people from her job? 

 

Her thoughts are interrupted by Peter walking into the room with a smile that could blind the sun. 

 

The only good thing to come out of this cancer diagnosis was Peter. And his friends of course. But Y/N felt a more special connection with Peter. 

 

“How it going so far?” He asks. Paul looks up from his laptop and smiles at Peter.

 

“Peter! What are you doing here?” Paul asks. Peter blushes.

 

“Well, I just wanted to...to make sure Y/N was doing alright.” Peter says glancing at Y/N.

 

“I’m okay.” Y/N mutters, her eyes pointed downwards. Peter laughs and pulls up a seat next to the bed.

 

“And the truth is?” Peter smiles, grabbing her hand. 

 

“I-I just feel so gross and ugly. And I miss my hair.” Y/N grumbles. 

 

“Hey, you could never be gross or ugly, you are so beautiful.” Peter says, staring deeply into Y/N’s eyes. 

 

Paul watches as Y/N and Peter talked and as Peter held Y/N’s hand and as they looked at each other. Paul could recognize the lovesick puppy look on Peter’s face from a mile away. It’s the same way he used to look at Y/N’s mom. Quietly, Paul stands up and walks into the hallway. Y/N and Peter don’t even notice the older man walk away, too busy laughing and talking. 

 

Once Paul was in the hallway, he pulled out his phone. 

 

**Your daughter is in the hospital with cancer. If you care as much as you claim, you’ll be here.**

 

Paul sent out the text and stowed his phone back in his pocket. He leaned up against the wall and sighed. He wasn’t sure it was the right idea to tell Y/N’s mother to come but he rationed that she deserved to at least know. 

 

When Paul walked back into the room, Peter was gone and Y/N was back to frowning at her phone. 

 

“Where’d Peter go?” 

 

“Back to work.” She mumbles. 

* * *

 

 

Y/N lays in the uncomfortable hospital bed alone, visiting hours are over and Sarah and her Dad both left. 

 

Sleep doesn't come easy when her mind is screaming at her to go back up to the roof and finish it all. She knows she shouldn’t but the ideas are loud and overtaking any good thoughts she can attempt to come up with. 

 

Y/N pulls out her phone and scrolls through her recent texts. She sees the group chat between her, Sarah and the nurse and she clicks on Peter’s contact. 

 

**im bored**

 

A few minutes pass before Y/N gets a response.

 

**Hi bored, I’m Peter.**

 

**lame**

 

**Sorry :)**

 

**what can i do in a hospital after visiting hours**

 

**Sleep?**

 

**i cant**

 

**Well, I’ll make you a deal. If you fall asleep, I’ll come in early with breakfast.**

 

**you would really do that! my hero**

 

**Go to sleep. I don’t want to deal with a cranky Y/N in the morning.**

 

Y/N falls asleep quickly after the promise of a good breakfast and seeing Peter. 

* * *

 

The sound of the door slamming shut wakes Y/N up. She panics for a moment before seeing Peter stand sheepishly at the door, holding the handle still. 

 

“Sorry.” Peter smiles. Y/N relaxes back on the bed and smiles sleepily. Peter feels his heart beat a bit faster but quickly calms himself. _I’m just helping her out, no feelings here_ , he reminds himself.

 

“How are you here so early?” Y/N says glancing at her phone.

 

“I work here. I don’t need to wait for visiting hours.” 

 

“Huh, cool,” Y/N sits up, “so food?” Peter laughs and raises a bag of food, handing it over to her. He sits in the seat that usually belongs to Sarah. 

 

“Praise you! I’m so over oatmeal.” 

 

“Yeah I’m nice like that,” Peter smiles, “so how are you?” Y/N pauses, her face falling for a moment before putting on a big fake smile.

 

“I’m holding on, cancer sucks, but I’m working on it.” Y/N lies. Peter notices the fake smile and overly optimistic words. It just doesn’t sound like Y/N. 

 

“Well, finding you on that rooftop was insanely scary. Like I knew about Derek and I knew about your diagnosis, but watching you sit on the ledge, was crazy. I mean I thought you were going to…” Peter pauses looking up at Y/N.  Her face is guilty.

 

“You weren’t going to right?” Peter asks. Y/N opens her mouth to speak but quickly shuts it again. 

 

“Wow.” Peter says, his eyes widening. 

 

“Please don’t tell Sarah. I don’t want her to worry about me anymore.” Y/N says, her voice cracking and her eyes watering. 

 

“I went up there planning to jump but once I was actually up there, looking down at the ground, I couldn’t go through with it.” Y/N explains. The urge Peter felt to protect Y/N nearly quadruples.

 

“Well, I’m glad you didnt.” Peter says. 

 

“Yeah me too.” Y/N smiles sadly. 

 

“So, do you still think about it? Because you have to realize how good your treatment is going. Dr. Barton is seriously the best. This cancer won’t kill you Y/N. So I guess you have to decide how you leave this hospital.” Peter says bluntly. Y/N gulps.

 

“I don’t want to die Peter. I want to be able to walk out of this hospital, cancer free. I want Sarah and my Dad to be able to think about something besides me. Hell, I want to see my hair grow back.” Y/N laughs wetly. Peter feels his eyes sting. 

 

“And I want to see more of you… and Ned and MJ and I want to be able to hang out like real friends. I don’t want to die.” Y/N says slowly. Peter lets out a breath of relief. 

 

“But some illogical part of me does.” Y/N breaths out.

 

“Y/N, as a nurse at this hospital, I need you to tell me if you currently have any plans to hurt yourself.” Peter states firmly.

 

After a moment, Y/N huffs and says no. The crashing relief that comes down on Peter is enough to make the tears that were waiting in his eyes fall freely. 

 

“Y/N, I need you to know, that I want to protect you and I really enjoy being with you. But I’m being selfish.” Peter says.

 

“What do you mean?” Y/N questions. Of course, Peter has ulterior motives she thinks. 

 

“When I was younger, my parents died in a plane crash. I lived with my aunt and uncle after that, and they were amazing. Until my Uncle Ben died, it was a mugger and I was there with him. I could have done something, anything, but I stood there as my uncle got shot and bled out in front of me. I spent a lot of my time regretting every decision that led me to that point. And let's just say, now I’m really protective of the people I care about.” Peter says.

 

Y/N sits with her mouth parted slightly, processing the words that Peter just said. And Y/n thought her problems were huge. At least her parents were still alive, maybe she didn’t talk to one of them, but last Y/N knew she was alive. 

 

“Peter, I’m so sorry.” Y/N says. Peter waves his hand.

 

“I didn’t say all that to get you to feel sorry for me. I said it because I want you to know why I’m really hanging out around you. When I saw you on the roof, I felt this need to protect you. I wanted to help you like I couldn’t help my uncle.” 

 

“Okay. That’s okay Pete. Just don’t smother me and we’re good.” Y/N says, trying to calm Peter. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

Y/N lets out a yawn.

 

“If you’re tired, I can go?” Peter says standing up. 

 

“Don’t go.” Y/N says, grabbing Peter’s hand.

 

“Come on, you don’t have to be at work for a little bit. Come lay down with me.” Y/N says, moving over on the small bed to make room for Peter.

 

“Oh no, I shouldn’t.” 

 

“Please,” Y/N frowns, “I have cancer.” She pouts. Peter lets out a short laugh. He really wants to stay with her, to protect her obviously. He wants to have her lay her head on his chest and he wants to feel her warm breath on the bare skin of his neck.

 

“You play that card, you’ll win every time. It’s just not fair.”

 

“Great so get up here.” 

 

Peter kicks off his shoes and climbs up onto the bed, but instead of her resting her head on his chest, she presses her face into the side of his arm.

 

“Comfortable?” He laughs softly.

 

“Very.” She says, her lips moving on his arm. Peter brings his other arm over to rub her bald head and he swears he hears her groan. A small smile creeps onto his lips when he hears her breathing even out, and he falls asleep soon after. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, writers live off kudos and comments!


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